It’s almost the end of the year and well I’m both excited and scared for what it will bring. 2018 definitely had its ups and downs, but I’m sitting in my little studio at the desk my poppa made me thanking God for all the good things that have come and happy that I’ve made it through to this point in my life. Moving into this new year I am pushing to be the most authentic version of me. Being 100 percent real means complete vulnerability and that can be really tough.

I came out to my family and friends as a transgender woman. For those of you learning about this for the first time…

Yes I am TRANSGENDER.

I am lucky and have a lot of people who love me, while they may not completely understand, they are happy to stand in my corner on this journey I’m about to embark on. (Cliche I know! I’m rolling my eyes too). I’m not going to lie, I’M PRETTY FREAKIN’ TERRIFIED. Even with allies, I can only be sheltered so much. Let's be real I still live in a world filled with people that can’t always comprehend someone different from themselves. It’s been a tough year taking time to really learn who I am while trying to support my life in a city (Austin, TX) that is getting increasingly expensive. I am also in my 4th year of remission from battling leukemia and dealing with the struggles of life post-cancer. All this aside I continue to push forward because life is full of challenges, and sometimes I get exhausted, but I wouldn’t be really living if I didn’t continue to pursue my dreams.

So in this year of self-love, I am taking the steps to be the person I was always meant to be so that I can have the life I deserve. This is a life free from shame and one that unleashes the core of who I am to the outside world. It’s going to be a long road, and one that I wish could happen overnight, but as I’ve gotten older I realize that nothing in life worth having comes easy. I already have my own fears and insecurities toward myself, so moving forward I would like to ask for your help.

To all the women in my life. I ask of you this… Empathy.

I may not look like you, but on the inside I am feminine. Those of you who truly know me know this to be true. I’m happy to know that a lot of you were not surprised, and it only makes me more secure myself that this is who I am. While I never had sisters I was lucky enough to grow up with some girls who never treated me as anything different. We played with Barbie and made her sock dresses, rolled on that cheap glitter grandma bought us, and put on Spice Girls concerts whenever we got a chance ( Thank you for always letting me be Posh… I love you so much. )

My new sisters in life… you know who you are… thank you for always trying to understand and love me even if it was from a distance. I could not have made it through this year without all of you. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by so many beautiful, intelligent, loving, and BOSSY women. Some of you teach, have masters degrees, are mothers, and others engineers. Some of you have faced the loss of a parent, have fought hard to establish careers for themselves, battled chronic illness, and are on your own journeys toward self-love. You are my inspiration!

I am fortunate to have a mother who is a walking reminder of the strength that lives inside me. She fought pretty hard for me to be here. She spent two months in the hospital while prepping to give birth, and well she was the person that really carried me through my cancer battle. I owe my life to you momma, and I thank you for your unconditional love. You are and will always be my hero.

My grandmother literally just learned to Facetime this week and called me the other night to remind me of how much love one person can hold. You dear are a symbol of unconditional love and perseverance. An artist, dreamer, and fiery latina woman; I aspire to speak my mind the way you do and love as hard as you have done in your lifetime. You have sacrificed so much so that the generations after you could have a better life. I am a third generation Hispanic transgender women that holds a lot of privilege because of you. I owe my life to your efforts as well. Mi amiga… mi amorcita… te amo con todo mi corazón.

To the women who I met on my journey as a Leukemia patient. You have shown me bravery, courage, and faith. Those of you who have overcome your own disease, you are symbols of hope in a world that is full of uncertainty. Those of you who I have lost, you are my angels and hope that wherever you are you know how much you have changed my life for simply being a part of it.

To all the women who have given me love throughout the years, and have embraced me I want to say thank you. I will always love you. Some of you have given me work, have given me career advice, shown me new models for a happy life, and are just all around pretty badass. You all know who you are! :)

To the women who are out there in the workplace navigating it with grace, remember to lift other women, and not tear them down. It’s hard enough for US as it is (Especially the queer ones). I ask for your help, tolerance, and kindness.

To the other transgender women that I have met this year, and those who inspire me to be proud of who I am. Thank you for existing and being brave enough to be authentically you. Some of us may not see eye to eye, come from all different backgrounds, love differently, and are still learning to love ourselves but I am grateful for having known you. I am a better person for it. *I want to take a moment to remember all the trans women who have passed due to violence in 2018*. I live my truth in memory of you.

To the women out there who are reading this and don’t understand where I am coming from YET! I thank you for reading this and I hope you will open your heart and mind. Those who choose not to support me because you are holier than thou or whatever that’s ok too because I have my God and you know what?… She’s a Woman.

To all the mothers out there. You are amazing, and it fills my heart that some of you embrace LGTBQ people like myself with so much love. It gives me hope that the next generation will be loved and have every opportunity to have a happy healthy life. After all isn’t that what we all deserve?… A life full of joy, love, health, safety, and freedom.

Sometimes I wonder why I am choosing a path that will seemingly bring more difficulty to my life, but I can’t imagine living any other way. To not live in your truth I believe is to stifle the soul. I almost died once, and I will not lose myself again.

I understand all of you will have questions and I look forward to talking to those of you who are interested in knowing more about my life. I will continue to write about my adventures over the coming year. Stay tuned.

So here’s to living your most authentic life in 2019.

Sending you love and light.

— Timmi